Look into a Childs eye; what do you see? Innocence, ignorance, purity. Love. A reflection? Of what? You? For what can you look in the eye, if not a child? Are you afraid of what you see?
And here is where it all started...
A place for the thoughts and ponderings of a boy trying to become a man; where he can express and organise his dreams!
Sunday, 9 January 2011
A Child's Eye
Look into a Childs eye; what do you see? Innocence, ignorance, purity. Love. A reflection? Of what? You? For what can you look in the eye, if not a child? Are you afraid of what you see?
Friday, 16 April 2010
Failure?
There are no failures — just experiences and your reaction to them. ~ Tom Krause, motivational speaker, teacher and coach.
I’d like to think that Tom Krause is right, failures don’t exist. They are just life events like any other. You go the grocery store, you spend a lovely holiday in Paris, you get fired from your job.
All experiences and events are neutral. They are colored only by the way we respond.
It’s a very Zen perspective, and one that I believe is true — until I fail. Then it just hurts.
When you fall flat on your face, in a gigantic “my business just tanked” kind of way or a even a minor “I slept through my morning appointment” situation, failing feels really bad. During a failure, the feelings can twist you up and lay you low. You dwell in the land of bottom-feeders and wretches. “No talent, stupid, unwanted, irresponsible,” shouts the dark chorus in your brain. It’s hard to block them out.
Feeling awful after failing is inevitable. We are human after all. However, it’s how we handle those feelings that is pivotal to our future success and happiness. We can languish in that dark, twisty place or we can choose to change our thoughts. Did you get that? We can choose to change our thoughts.
Consciously changing your thoughts about failure is a bold and creative response.
When you change your thoughts, your feelings generally follow. By changing your thoughts about this current failure, and you will mitigate your fear of failure for the future. You know you’re likely to fall on your face again, so don’t be taken by surprise.
Expect failure in your life, not as something to be feared, but as a gift.
I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. ~Benjamin Franklin
Why not invest in a little failure insurance? You can start changing your thoughts about failure right now, before another one of those “neutral” life experiences that hurt so badly happens to you!
Start changing the way you perceive failure, and you will quickly move beyond the bad feelings when it happens.
Here are ten reasons why failure can be positive:
1. Accept failure as part of life. Even when we try to insulate ourselves from the possibility of failure and live “safe” lives, failure can still find its way to us. Bad things happen in spite of our best efforts. Just accepting that fact can bring some peace. It happens to you. It happens to everyone.
2. Failure means you have the courage to try. If you are determined to succeed at everything, then please don’t try anything new. Stick with the status quo and the safety zone. But if you want to have a big, exciting, fulfilling life, embrace failure as a stepping stone leading you out of mediocrity. It’s just one stone on the path.
3. Failure teaches you something. There is always, always a lesson in failing. If it isn’t obvious right away, then choose to figure it out. You will learn a better way, a different direction, a new perspective. Think back on past failures and how you have grown from them. Don’t leave this precious gift behind in your efforts to reject and forget your failures.
4. Failure strengthens character. When you fail, you learn more than just how to do something differently. You learn about yourself. You might learn about humility, forgiveness, friendship, judgment, priorities, and values. Take advantage of the opportunity to grow in these areas and build your emotional intelligence and maturity.
5. You can become a mentor. When you strengthen your character and rise above a failure, you model for others how to cope and even thrive when something bad happens. You become a mentor for resilience and fortitude, teaching those around you how to behave in similar situations. You are serving others in a profound and meaningful way.
6. Failure stretches you. When the worst happens, you don’t have to fear it anymore. It’s happened and you are living it. Hey, it’s not as bad as you thought. You’re still alive. So maybe since falling on your face didn’t kill you, you might go ahead and try that other bold move you’ve been considering but have been too afraid to try. You already know what will happen if you fail, so what’s to lose?
7. Real friends emerge during failure. So you’ve lost your business, your marriage is falling apart, you blew that presentation, or you have a drinking problem. You’re friends and associates are scattering like startled cockroaches. Except for your real friends — the ones who love you for who you are. The ones who have faith in your inner wisdom and intelligence. If there is ever a time to really nurture your friends, this is it. These folks are the keepers.
8. Failures are often opportunities in disguise. Has this ever happened to you? You weren’t offered that promotion you’ve been wishing for, only to get a better job offer with more money a few weeks later. You lose a bunch of money with a bad investment, but your loss focuses you on more solid and profitable investment strategies. A relationship ends painfully, but you eventually meet your soul mate. Failures sometimes produce results that are better than the original plan.
9. Failure is sometimes intentional. There are times when our subconscious mind knows more about what we want or need than we are aware of. Sometimes we fail because it’s an escape route. Perhaps we are doing something because we feel trapped or obligated. If we sabotage the situation, then we can get out of it. Failure forces us to look this thing in the eye and ask the question, “Did I really want you to begin with?” The answer is often “no”. The truth can hurt, but it also can set us free.
10. Failure fosters creativity. Thomas Edison made 1000 unsuccessful attempts before inventing the light bulb. Winston Churchill was defeated in every public office until he became prime minister at age 62. Henry Ford failed and went broke five times before he succeeded. If you don’t allow failure to crush you, it will force you to develop creative solutions, building off what you learned through failure. Thomas Edison didn’t believe he failed 1000 times. He said, “The light bulb was an invention with 1000 steps.”
Like death and taxes, failure is going to happen. It may be hard initially to accept it as just another neutral life experience. However, by shifting your perspective, failure can be an experience that has much to offer, leading you to personal growth and eventual success.
So here’s to your continued good failure!
Thursday, 4 March 2010
What is love?
Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day.
That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those who truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from the branches they find that they are one tree and not two.
Moderation
Throw moderation to the winds, and the greatest pleasures bring the greatest pains.
Democritus.
You have probably heard about moderation a lot of times already but before you decide that this post will not bring any value into your life, STOP! Stop right here and read at least a couple of paragraphs. I promise that I will show you how you can change your life and even the world for the better after you finish this article.
Democritus (look at the top of the page) was a wise guy but can you really have too much of everything? The word “moderation” usually comes to mind when we are talking about food and obesity. It sounds like the lose-weight-in-a-healthy-way type of advice but it does not seem to be connected with other good things in our life. Can you have too much love that will bring pain into your life or can you have too much kindness? Can you have too much faith and can you be too health-conscious? It seems that moderation is not always needed, isn’t it?
I must agree with Democritus, without moderation the happy life is impossible.
It is difficult to stay moderate in the present world because we have such an abundance of pleasures and opportunities that are so easily accessible. We can eat exotic fruit from all over the world, we can buy a lot of toys for ourselves, we can travel anywhere we want to (well, almost anywhere), we can help people with a touch of a button (donating to charities online), we can pamper ourselves and we can afford so many other things.
We are constantly stimulated with new pleasures that bring happiness into our lives. But what happens when the “high” effect is gone? You need more stimulants to feel good and at a certain point simple pleasures that are available in everyday life do not work anymore.
You lose the ability to be happy just because you are healthy and you had a decent day at work.
A romantic supper at home with your loved one seems very boring compared to the delicious meal you’ve just had a restaurant the other day.
Your kids do not appreciate a family outing to the park because it is nothing compared to the water park and cinema you took them to last time.
The simple pleasures of life are lost not only for you but also for people around you, the ones who you want to protect and to whom you want to give the best in this world.
We have forgotten the values of moderation for our lives. It is so sad because moderation is the key to life, and not just any life but a happy and balanced life.
Here are 7 values of moderation that I find vital for balanced living.
- You can experience more joy and happiness. Imagine that you can eat a big piece of the most delicious cake in the world every day. You do not have to worry about getting fat or about your cholesterol levels shooting out of the roof. You can enjoy it every single day of your life.
Probably in about a week you will get tired of this cake and in a month it will be tasteless to you.
Now consider another scenario when you can eat the same piece of cake just once a month after a very difficult day at work. You’ve been working hard and you were thinking about this cake for the last few weeks and today IS the day when you can indulge in it. Isn’t it the tastiest piece of the cake you have ever had? - You conserve the planet. My husband loves everything about the ocean and for the last few years I have been getting him documentary DVDs about ocean life every Christmas. I learned so much from those DVDs and I saw so many amazing things that even the most creative human mind cannot imagine. And this world is being destroyed because we are exploiting it in any possible way. Overfishing, oil spills, damage to the corrals caused by anchors and recreational divers, trash and garbage in the ocean, all these things destroy the world that we didn’t build and that we will never be able to rebuild. This is just one example how we are destroying our planet.
You do not have to become a vegetarian in order to save the animal life on our planet; you can just be moderate in how much you really need. You can be moderate when choosing a car that uses less gas. You can be moderate when celebrating your kids birthday (did you know that a lot of the balloons that we release in the air end up in the ocean or rivers where turtles and some other inhabitants confuse them for food and can die?) - You will be healthy. If you exercise moderately you give your body a workout that will keep it healthy and young for many years. If you exercise too much you wear out your body and cause permanent damage (professional athletes are far from being the healthiest people on the planet).
Pretty much any food can be considered healthy if it is eaten in moderation (I am talking about “real” food here). If you eat red meat a couple of times a month then you do not have to worry about heart disease but if it is a part of your daily diet then you are in trouble.
If you are moderate you can enjoy the food you love and you can exercise as much as your body needs without creating any risks for your health. - Moderation leads to financial stability and balance. There are several types of people that we all know that could be good examples here. Some of them probably like to spend money and this is the reason that they are in debt up to their ears. They have very exciting lives because they pretend that they can afford a lot and they have tons of amazing experiences. The only problem is that at a certain point those people start thinking only about paying off their credit card bills and they forget about all the cool stuff that has once brought them so much pleasure.
Another group is the penny-pinchers who save every dollar they earn. They might be very nice but their lives are so boring. They do not visit a lot of places and they do not know the joy of spending money.
Both of these groups are two financial extremes. With moderation they would be able to enjoy their lives without getting into financial trouble and they would be able to save money without becoming obsessed over it. - Moderation gives clarity in life. Being moderate implies that you are present in every moment of your life and you can clearly distinguish between the necessities and unnecessary luxuries in life. Every moment you ask yourself “Do I really need this? Do I have enough in life? Will I be happy without this …?” You become mindful of your life and you learn to live in the present.
- Moderation leads to spirituality. You become spiritual when you start seeing “spirit” in everything around you: in every creature, in the wind slightly moving the leaves, in the ocean, in the smile of a stranger or your loved one, and in you. When you are moderate you stop concentrating on “the more, the better” principle and you are able to see this spirit in everything around you. You open your heart to the wonders of the world and you stop being a mindless consumer.
- Moderation brings your life in balance. To me this is the most important value of moderation. Our life consists of opposites and if you are not moderate then you are on a constant roller coaster ride. With moderation you can enjoy both parts of your life without huge sacrifices or sad consequences.
Life in moderation is a full life.
Moderation is not always easy but it is vital for balanced living. Moderation requires work and will power and it is a constant process of self growth. I am choosing this path because this is the right road for me. Is it for you?
Keep it balanced!
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Universal Loving Kindness
This must be done to gain the State of Peace.
One must be able, upright and straightforward;
Pleasant in Speech, mild and not proud.
Easily contented and easily supportable;
Not caught up in too many “duties” and frugal in one’s wants.
Calm in mind, discriminative and courteous;
Not closely attached to households.
Avoiding any mean deeds blameworthy by the wise.
Thinking always thus: “May all beings be happy and safe,
May they all have tranquil minds.
Whatsoever pulsates with the breath of life -
the frail or strong, without exception -
the long, the large, the medium-sized, the short, the thin or fat.
Those visible, and those invisible, those living far away or nearby;
Beings who are already born and those yet unborn.
May they all be happy!
May no-one deceive another, nor despise him in anyway anywhere.
Let no-one wish another ill, owing to anger or provocation.
Just as a mother would protect her son – her only son – with her life -
even so let him cultivate this boundless love to all living beings.
Radiating with a full heart loving thoughts of kindness towards all the world,
free from anger, malice or anxiety – above, below and in all directions.
And while standing, walking, sitting or reclining – still free from drowsiness -
let him maintain this state of mindfulness – termed the “Highest Living”
And living free from mere views, being virtuous, perfect in insight,
free from the lust of sexual desire,
never again shall he be entangled in the round of rebirth.
Hate is never overcome by hate
By love alone it is quelled.
This is a truth of ancient date.
Today still unexcelled.
Avoidance of evil,
Performance of good deeds,
Purification of one’s thoughts.
This is the teaching of the Buddhas.
Friday, 5 February 2010
Screw this... into the dark!
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“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” ~ Albert Einstein
It can’t be done. No one in their right mind would attempt this. One person can’t make a difference. The world is flat. These are not necessarily negative thoughts — they are all rational thoughts.
The human brain is finite — it has its limits. Beyond knowledge, especially the kind obtained by personal experience or empirical evidence, there is little remaining for the brain to grasp, from which decisions can be made. The brain, therefore, wants to categorize, stereotype, form habits, and find the quickest route from Point A to Point B — it wants to rationalize — to provide safety, to find comfort…
But what lies beyond rationality? The short answer for most of us is anxiety — anxiety that arises from the fear of the unknown, the unidentified, the hidden, things yet to be categorized. It is at this moment of weakness — upon the first appearance of uncertainty — that you begin to categorize… You justify, you rationalize. This rationalization is based upon preconceived notions — a bias to a certain way of thinking without much regard for (or thought of) a potentially more realistic, truthful, valuable, redeeming alternative — the opportunity for growth, for discovery, for self-actualization.
“[Self-actualizing people] live more in the real world of nature than in the human-made mass of concepts, abstractions, expectations, beliefs, and stereotypes that most people confuse with the real world.” ~ Abraham Maslow
When you rationalize, you may be fulfilling your desire for safety and control but you actually create a paradox: When you rationalize, you may feel better at the moment but you limit your growth by keeping your self and your thoughts within your comfort zone. Growth, however, lies outside of the comfort zone; and rational thinking keeps you there — it keeps you safe in the arms of mediocrity — rather than playing to win, you play “not to lose.”
To rationalize is to think to yourself or to say one of the following potentially self-defeating behaviors:
- People who are different than me in appearance, religion, geographic location, ideology, or culture are dangerous.
- The stock market has generally been a poor place to invest moneyover the past several years; and so it remains a poor place to invest.
- She’s smart for a [enter any identifying category or group that stereotypes and generalizes].
- I don’t know why I don’t like you but I’ll find a reason.
- Good things don’t happen to me.
- I’ve already made up my mind so don’t try to give me an alternative point of view.
- When I attempt something significant, I usually fail; therefore, if I don’t try anymore, I’ll save myself the heartbreak of failure.
If rationality is a natural human behavior, what might be done to limit its self-defeating potential? The antidote to rationality is just what you may have already guessed — irrationality.
“I can see, and that is why I can be happy, in what you call the dark, but which to me is golden. I can see a God-made world, not a man-made world.” ~ Helen Keller
While we cannot escape the fact that humans are rational beings, we have something wonderful that many of the greatest, life-changing, world-impacting humans and events have emanated from. This wonderful thing is called the imagination — and it often lies outside the realm of rationality.
Certainly, however, imagination and irrationality can be potentially harmful. Where there is uncertainty, where there is darkness, your mind will fill the empty spaces with something that may or may not be there. Often, your emotions will color the picture of what your imagination sees. Where there is darkness, why not see the possibilities rather than the impossibilities?
“If you can dream it, you can do it.” ~ Walt Disney
Perhaps the line that divides those who achieve greatness, and those who do not, is defined by the picture painted by the imagination. Uncertainty need not be the enemy — it can be your friend.
Without imagination, there would be no hope, no dreams, no vision from which the seemingly impossible becomes possible and therefore is given a chance to become reality.
On a historic scale, many who achieved greatness, such as Socrates, Gandhi, Jesus Christ, Christopher Columbus, Sir Isaac Newton, Nicolaus Copernicus, Ferdinand Magellan, Martin Luther King, Jr., Helen Keller, and Walt Disney would not first be considered rational people — they achieved greatness in spite of tremendous challenges and odds against them.
On a personal, more modern scale, the following might be considered “irrational:”
- The nun who shows compassion to the worst of human beings — death row prison inmates — because no one else will.
- The investor who buys stocks when the investor herd is fearful.
- The investor who sells stocks when the investor herd is greedy.
- The child who vows to end the suffering in Haiti by selling lemonade on a street corner.
Why do we laugh when a child says they want to aspire to something that seems unachievable? The child has not “learned” to rationalize. The child thinks beyond boundaries. To a child, dreams and reality, play and work, the self and the world are the same. There are no categories, no boundaries, no rations — no rationality.
“When we relinquish our need to constantly classify things as good or bad, right or wrong, then we experience more silence in our consciousness — our internal dialogue begins to quieten when we shed the burden of judgment. It is important, therefore, to get away from definitions, labels, descriptions, interpretations, evaluations, analyses, and judgment; which all create the turbulence of our internal dialogue.” ~ Deepak Chopra
The human need for safety is directly related to the desire for control and the tendency to “rationalize” everything, which is to categorize and to look for (and find) patterns in everything, whether a real pattern exists or not.
If, rather, we let go of the desire for control, the need to define and categorize things, and embrace the unknown, we give ourselves greater capacity to grow — when we slowly and deliberately push ourselves beyond our own comfort zones.
“Beforethe beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos. Before abrilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish in thecrowd.” ~ The I Ching
Growth and success lies beyond the comfort zone, beyond the crowd, beyond conventional thought, beyond the finite grasp of the brain, beyond rationality. What is defined as irrational by the crowd today may just be the most prudent path for your successful tomorrow…

